A woman (Names witheld) who is the owner of a popular buka in
Portharcourt confessed last Saturday to using diabolical means to
entice customers, as well as take their "destinies."
According to eye witnesses, the woman, who is from Akwa Ibom,
suddenly ran mad while at her buka located at Aleto in Eleme Local
Government area of Port-Harcourt, Rivers state. They say she
suddenly started acting bizarre, tore her clothes and started
confessing how she employed diabolical means for the growth of
her business.
In her confession, she said she mixes water used to bathe corpses
with her food, as well as water from her private part and
menstruation blood. She said she did all these to attract customers
whose "destinies" she used for the growth of her business and
riches. She then ran around town naked, confessing her atrocities,
appearing to have lost her sanity.
The news of her confession spread around the area, and some of
her customers (including Okada men) and angry onlookers
descended on her and gave her the beating of her life, before Police
men intervened and took her away.
Friday, 14 June 2013
School proprietor caught having sex with 11-year-old pupil
Residents of Agric Olope area of Ado Ekiti have apprehended the
proprietor of a private Nursery and Primary School, who was
found in a bush allegedly having sex with a pupil of his school.
The incident happened on Monday after school hours.
Our correspondent gathered on Wednesday that the proprietor,
identified as Mr. Tunde Ibitoye, picked the girl and another
pupil of the same school and was taking them home in his car
when he stopped at a deserted place and went into the bush
pretending to be defecating.
An eyewitness, who said he caught the suspect in the act, said
some minutes after the man went inside the bush, he called the
victim to bring him tissue to clean up.
The eyewitness, who identified himself as Kayode Ayeni, said he
became curious when he saw the girl going inside the bush
knowing full well that a man had first gone into the bush some
minutes earlier.
He said he traced the girl's movement and found the man half
naked and the girl also undressed and was in a compromising
position.
Ayeni claimed that the proprietor was having carnal knowledge
of the girl when he found the two of them inside the bush.
The argument between the eyewitness and the proprietor was
said to have attracted a crowd of passersby and residents to the
scene.
The suspect was said to have been beaten up and escaped being
lynched due to the arrival of some policemen at the scene.
The policemen, who stormed the scene,dispersed the crowd
and took the suspect away.
When contacted, the state command's Police Public Relations
Officer, Mr. Victor Babayemi, said Ibitoye had been arrested for
"defiling an 11-year-old pupil," adding that the suspect was
currently being interrogated by the police
The PPRO said the girl told police investigators that the
proprietor had sex with her.
He added that the girl confessed that the last act was the fourth
time the proprietor would be having sex with her.
He also said the girl's father told the police that there was a time
he noticed blood stain on his daughter's clothes but the man
thought it was early menstruation.
The proprietor, however, insisted that he did not have sex with
the girl but was just assisting her home after the school hours.
But Babayemi said the girl had been taken to a hospital for
medical examination, saying the result would be made public
when it was out.
Babayemi said, "There is a man in our custody who was said to
be caught while having sex with an 11-year-old pupil. The girl
has been taken to hospital for examination and we are expecting
the result.
"We are investigating to see if we can find other girls who the
man might have defiled. If we find any, it would further
corroborate the allegation. But we advise parents to alway
ensure that their children are put in custody of responsible
people."
proprietor of a private Nursery and Primary School, who was
found in a bush allegedly having sex with a pupil of his school.
The incident happened on Monday after school hours.
Our correspondent gathered on Wednesday that the proprietor,
identified as Mr. Tunde Ibitoye, picked the girl and another
pupil of the same school and was taking them home in his car
when he stopped at a deserted place and went into the bush
pretending to be defecating.
An eyewitness, who said he caught the suspect in the act, said
some minutes after the man went inside the bush, he called the
victim to bring him tissue to clean up.
The eyewitness, who identified himself as Kayode Ayeni, said he
became curious when he saw the girl going inside the bush
knowing full well that a man had first gone into the bush some
minutes earlier.
He said he traced the girl's movement and found the man half
naked and the girl also undressed and was in a compromising
position.
Ayeni claimed that the proprietor was having carnal knowledge
of the girl when he found the two of them inside the bush.
The argument between the eyewitness and the proprietor was
said to have attracted a crowd of passersby and residents to the
scene.
The suspect was said to have been beaten up and escaped being
lynched due to the arrival of some policemen at the scene.
The policemen, who stormed the scene,dispersed the crowd
and took the suspect away.
When contacted, the state command's Police Public Relations
Officer, Mr. Victor Babayemi, said Ibitoye had been arrested for
"defiling an 11-year-old pupil," adding that the suspect was
currently being interrogated by the police
The PPRO said the girl told police investigators that the
proprietor had sex with her.
He added that the girl confessed that the last act was the fourth
time the proprietor would be having sex with her.
He also said the girl's father told the police that there was a time
he noticed blood stain on his daughter's clothes but the man
thought it was early menstruation.
The proprietor, however, insisted that he did not have sex with
the girl but was just assisting her home after the school hours.
But Babayemi said the girl had been taken to a hospital for
medical examination, saying the result would be made public
when it was out.
Babayemi said, "There is a man in our custody who was said to
be caught while having sex with an 11-year-old pupil. The girl
has been taken to hospital for examination and we are expecting
the result.
"We are investigating to see if we can find other girls who the
man might have defiled. If we find any, it would further
corroborate the allegation. But we advise parents to alway
ensure that their children are put in custody of responsible
people."
Police Kill Three At University Of Uyo Over N200 Transport Fees
Several sources have told SaharaReporters the Nigerian
police in Uyo, capital of Akwa Ibom State, today shot
dead three protesting students at the University of Uyo.
One of our sources said he was certain only of one
casualty, but the other said the figure was higher.
Several sources disclosed that the students were
demonstrating against the introduction of transport fees.
Eyewitnesses said a peaceful procession on campus
turned violent, leading to the burning down of the vice
chancellor’s office located at Ikpa Road in Uyo.
“At least three students were shot and killed by the
police,” said a student source. He added that the police
contingent had been brought in to quell the uprising.
Unconfirmed reports said university officials have closed
down the school indefinitely after the protests that turned
violent.
An eyewitness told SaharaReporters that the protest was
started by engineering students protesting the
introduction of fares for the school bus shuttle. The
school earlier moved the engineering faculty and the
faculty of sciences from the town campus to the
permanent site at Nsukara Offot. “The distance between
the two locations is very far,” said the source. He added:
“Before now the school provided buses that shuttled
between the two campuses of the university, and the bus
service was free to all students. Now this morning the
students woke up to the announcement that a fee of 100
naira has been fixed for the bus services.”
Our source disclosed that the fares infuriated students
who afterwards mobilized for a peaceful protest. He said
the university officials then brought in policemen to
break up the protest. Two of our sources accused the
police of using excessive show of force against the
unarmed protesters.
“They started firing teargas, and this made the students to
respond by turning violent. The students started hurling
whatever objects, they could lay their hands on at the
police and blocked all the entrances and exits locations
in the school,” said one of the sources.
The sources said the protesters were stunned that the
police fired live ammunition at them. They said the irate
students then burnt down the VC’s office, other nearby
buildings and the school gate.
When SaharaReporters contacted the Akwa Ibom State
Police Public Relation Officer, Effiong Dickson by
telephone he said the police contingent sent to quell the
riot did not enter the campus but admitted that when the
student came out on the street, there was a skirmish as
police reportedly came under attack from students
“wielding sticks and throwing stones”. The PPRO stated
that there was no report of any killing from his colleagues
engaged in the operation. However, he said he had heard
rumors that one student was killed.
police in Uyo, capital of Akwa Ibom State, today shot
dead three protesting students at the University of Uyo.
One of our sources said he was certain only of one
casualty, but the other said the figure was higher.
Several sources disclosed that the students were
demonstrating against the introduction of transport fees.
Eyewitnesses said a peaceful procession on campus
turned violent, leading to the burning down of the vice
chancellor’s office located at Ikpa Road in Uyo.
“At least three students were shot and killed by the
police,” said a student source. He added that the police
contingent had been brought in to quell the uprising.
Unconfirmed reports said university officials have closed
down the school indefinitely after the protests that turned
violent.
An eyewitness told SaharaReporters that the protest was
started by engineering students protesting the
introduction of fares for the school bus shuttle. The
school earlier moved the engineering faculty and the
faculty of sciences from the town campus to the
permanent site at Nsukara Offot. “The distance between
the two locations is very far,” said the source. He added:
“Before now the school provided buses that shuttled
between the two campuses of the university, and the bus
service was free to all students. Now this morning the
students woke up to the announcement that a fee of 100
naira has been fixed for the bus services.”
Our source disclosed that the fares infuriated students
who afterwards mobilized for a peaceful protest. He said
the university officials then brought in policemen to
break up the protest. Two of our sources accused the
police of using excessive show of force against the
unarmed protesters.
“They started firing teargas, and this made the students to
respond by turning violent. The students started hurling
whatever objects, they could lay their hands on at the
police and blocked all the entrances and exits locations
in the school,” said one of the sources.
The sources said the protesters were stunned that the
police fired live ammunition at them. They said the irate
students then burnt down the VC’s office, other nearby
buildings and the school gate.
When SaharaReporters contacted the Akwa Ibom State
Police Public Relation Officer, Effiong Dickson by
telephone he said the police contingent sent to quell the
riot did not enter the campus but admitted that when the
student came out on the street, there was a skirmish as
police reportedly came under attack from students
“wielding sticks and throwing stones”. The PPRO stated
that there was no report of any killing from his colleagues
engaged in the operation. However, he said he had heard
rumors that one student was killed.
Wednesday, 12 June 2013
THINGS women should never, ever, do
1.Do not start hanging out with single ladies
whole weekend wen u are married
2.Do not use sex as a weapon in marriage to get
what u want!
3. Do not wear a vest or sleeveless top without shaving your armpits
or without a bra underneath
4. Do not leave chipped nail polish
to wear off on its own, there's a
reason why they sell nail polish
remover.
5. If you can’t afford good quality
weaves, don’t bother.
6. Do not do artificial nails that
makes you look like a drama queen,
simple is always sexy.
7. See-through leggings or a top used as a dress when you are out in public is a hell-to-the-no!
8. Never do things for a man with
a hope of getting something in
return, expectations are
dangerous. Do it because you simply want to.
9. Never contradict what your man
says - in public.
10. Never stalk the man that left
you for the other woman
11. Do not share your best friend's personal life with every Tom, Dick and Harry.
12. Women should never act on
distress in relationships like
checking your man’s phone,
nagging him to death, and acting like a paranoid freak. You will
simply release him to someone else
by doing so.
13. Never dish out your entire
family drama on a first date. The
guy just wants to know about you.
14. Stop obsessing over your body.
It’s good to eat healthy and work
out but let's leave it at that.
15. Never over-accessorize. stop looking like a Christmas tree.
16. Never leave home without
lip gloss, your phone and most of
all, your dignity.
17. Never leave your used sanitary
towel in the toilet for the next person to see. Women please!
18. Never wear very high heels if
you can’t do the Naomi Campbell
walk. You look like a drunk
grasshopper.
19. Never wear short skirts and low cut tops when off to an interview. You will create the
wrong impression.
20. And finally, 'Never wish to be
like any other woman. There are
others out there envying you for who you are'
whole weekend wen u are married
2.Do not use sex as a weapon in marriage to get
what u want!
3. Do not wear a vest or sleeveless top without shaving your armpits
or without a bra underneath
4. Do not leave chipped nail polish
to wear off on its own, there's a
reason why they sell nail polish
remover.
5. If you can’t afford good quality
weaves, don’t bother.
6. Do not do artificial nails that
makes you look like a drama queen,
simple is always sexy.
7. See-through leggings or a top used as a dress when you are out in public is a hell-to-the-no!
8. Never do things for a man with
a hope of getting something in
return, expectations are
dangerous. Do it because you simply want to.
9. Never contradict what your man
says - in public.
10. Never stalk the man that left
you for the other woman
11. Do not share your best friend's personal life with every Tom, Dick and Harry.
12. Women should never act on
distress in relationships like
checking your man’s phone,
nagging him to death, and acting like a paranoid freak. You will
simply release him to someone else
by doing so.
13. Never dish out your entire
family drama on a first date. The
guy just wants to know about you.
14. Stop obsessing over your body.
It’s good to eat healthy and work
out but let's leave it at that.
15. Never over-accessorize. stop looking like a Christmas tree.
16. Never leave home without
lip gloss, your phone and most of
all, your dignity.
17. Never leave your used sanitary
towel in the toilet for the next person to see. Women please!
18. Never wear very high heels if
you can’t do the Naomi Campbell
walk. You look like a drunk
grasshopper.
19. Never wear short skirts and low cut tops when off to an interview. You will create the
wrong impression.
20. And finally, 'Never wish to be
like any other woman. There are
others out there envying you for who you are'
MANDELA’s QUOTEs
The world has continued to pray for the speedy recovery of
Nelson Mandela, who is being treated for a recurrent lung
infection in a Pretoria hospital. The South Africa government has
described the health condition of the country first black leader as
“serious but stable”.
Prince Ademola Ibrahim Mandela serves you some of Madiba’s quotes as the
anti-apartheid fighter ‘fights for his life’. You can make a pick of
your favourite quote(s) while you are also free to add your
favourite Mandela’s quote(s).
“I can rest only for a moment, for with freedom come
responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not yet
ended.”
“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in
a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”
“If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work
with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.”
“Man’s goodness is a flame that can be hidden but never
extinguished.”
“I was made, by the law, a criminal, not because of what I had
done, but because of what I stood for, because of what I thought,
because of my conscience.”
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising
every time we fall.”
“When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in, he
has no choice but to become an outlaw.”
“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to
change the world.”
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the
triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid,
but he who conquers that fear.”
“I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature
or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s
head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There
were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely
tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair.
That way lays defeat and death.”
“A good head and good heart are always a formidable
combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen,
then you have something very special.”
“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill
your enemies.”
“I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who
keeps on trying.”
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a
life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his
skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to
hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for
love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to
his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.”
“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times
I fell down and got back up again.”
“As I have said, the first thing is to be honest with yourself. You
can never have an impact on society if you have not changed
yourself… Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, of
honesty, but humility.”
“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my
freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind,
I’d still be in prison.”
“It is said that no one truly knows a nation until one has been
inside its jails. A nation should not be judged by how it treats its
highest citizens, but its lowest ones.”
“A leader. . .is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting
the most nimble go out ahead, whereupon the others follow, not
realizing that all along they are being directed from behind.”
“We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome,
talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”
‘I caught my husband in bed with neighbour’s wife’
A 39-year-old woman, Oluwatosin Abiodun, appeared before the
Agege Grade ‘A’ Customary Court, Lagos State, to seek the
dissolution of her 11-year-old marriage over allegations of battery,
infidelity and threat to life.
Oluwatosin, a trader who is resident at No 5, Bemil Street, Ojodu,
Lagos State, informed the court that she had never enjoyed her
marriage because her husband had made life unbearable for her.
She further added that her husband was unfaithful and slept
with their neighbour’s wife on their matrimonial bed.
“He didn’t make love to me for eight months. After we got
married, I was without an issue for five years. Life was
unbearable for me throughout this period.. I developed high
blood pressure in the process, but my husband felt unconcerned.
“It was hell on earth. I lived in fear, pains and anguish. I kept all
these to myself because I didn’t want my home to break.
“The worst was the fact that my husband was dating a
neighbour’s wife and even brought her to our matrimonial home
where I caught them pants down. He has gone further to marry
this woman.
“He was fond of beating me with iron rod. He pampered me when
I had our child, but he later went back to his former habit of
hitting me.
“I am tired of the marriage and I want the court to end the union
and grant me custody of our child,” she said.
Olatunji, an engineer, however failed to appear in court to defend
himself.
The court president, Mr Emmanuel Shokunle, adjourned the case
for further hearing.
Agege Grade ‘A’ Customary Court, Lagos State, to seek the
dissolution of her 11-year-old marriage over allegations of battery,
infidelity and threat to life.
Oluwatosin, a trader who is resident at No 5, Bemil Street, Ojodu,
Lagos State, informed the court that she had never enjoyed her
marriage because her husband had made life unbearable for her.
She further added that her husband was unfaithful and slept
with their neighbour’s wife on their matrimonial bed.
“He didn’t make love to me for eight months. After we got
married, I was without an issue for five years. Life was
unbearable for me throughout this period.. I developed high
blood pressure in the process, but my husband felt unconcerned.
“It was hell on earth. I lived in fear, pains and anguish. I kept all
these to myself because I didn’t want my home to break.
“The worst was the fact that my husband was dating a
neighbour’s wife and even brought her to our matrimonial home
where I caught them pants down. He has gone further to marry
this woman.
“He was fond of beating me with iron rod. He pampered me when
I had our child, but he later went back to his former habit of
hitting me.
“I am tired of the marriage and I want the court to end the union
and grant me custody of our child,” she said.
Olatunji, an engineer, however failed to appear in court to defend
himself.
The court president, Mr Emmanuel Shokunle, adjourned the case
for further hearing.
‘Sex hawking has given us fame, good tidings’
Commercial
sex hawkers in Edo State have said that nothing can stop them from what
they know how to do best; prostitution. According to the spokesperson
of the Association of Professional Prostitutes of Nigeria, Edo State
chapter, Miss Jessica Osas, the
business has given her and other members of the association good tidings and fame over the years.
Speaking with Community News, Miss Osas decried the recent outcry from their colleagues in Kaduna State, calling on the state government to help them, as they were no more interested in the
business.
Osas also told Community News that though their colleagues in
Kaduna have encountered some difficulties in recent times such
as incessant bombing and killing of innocent people in the
Northern part of the country, where people including their
customers could no longer walk freely in the night.
According to her, “in spite of their plights, they shouldn’t have
condemned the business just like that. I want to say loud and
clear that members of this association in Edo State are enjoying
our craft and we have no cause to regret.
“I was surprised when I heard the news that our colleagues in
Kaduna were appealing to the state government to rescue them
from of the business, saying that there is no more gains from it. I
laugh it off because I understand that their problems is that of the
Boko Haram.
“Three months ago, their leader called us to intimate us about the
happenings over there and we advised her on what to do in order
to boost their business as it was being done here in Benin. She
also came to Benin last month during the indoctrination of our
new members only to be telling us now that they wanted to quit
the business.”
Osas added that Kaduna State was where prostitution is most
lucrative compared to other states in Nigeria.
“My advice for them is, whoever wants to quit the job should
leave quietly without making noise. Our association is not a place
where you should first take oath before you become a member
and what we are doing is not written on our faces. If I didn’t tell
you (the reporter) would you know that I’m involved in the
business? No.
“Here in Edo State, some of our members are working in different
companies and they receive big salaries. Even, students from
various tertiary institutions across the state are fully registered
members of the association, but they do it on part time basis,”
Osas disclosed.
business has given her and other members of the association good tidings and fame over the years.
Speaking with Community News, Miss Osas decried the recent outcry from their colleagues in Kaduna State, calling on the state government to help them, as they were no more interested in the
business.
Osas also told Community News that though their colleagues in
Kaduna have encountered some difficulties in recent times such
as incessant bombing and killing of innocent people in the
Northern part of the country, where people including their
customers could no longer walk freely in the night.
According to her, “in spite of their plights, they shouldn’t have
condemned the business just like that. I want to say loud and
clear that members of this association in Edo State are enjoying
our craft and we have no cause to regret.
“I was surprised when I heard the news that our colleagues in
Kaduna were appealing to the state government to rescue them
from of the business, saying that there is no more gains from it. I
laugh it off because I understand that their problems is that of the
Boko Haram.
“Three months ago, their leader called us to intimate us about the
happenings over there and we advised her on what to do in order
to boost their business as it was being done here in Benin. She
also came to Benin last month during the indoctrination of our
new members only to be telling us now that they wanted to quit
the business.”
Osas added that Kaduna State was where prostitution is most
lucrative compared to other states in Nigeria.
“My advice for them is, whoever wants to quit the job should
leave quietly without making noise. Our association is not a place
where you should first take oath before you become a member
and what we are doing is not written on our faces. If I didn’t tell
you (the reporter) would you know that I’m involved in the
business? No.
“Here in Edo State, some of our members are working in different
companies and they receive big salaries. Even, students from
various tertiary institutions across the state are fully registered
members of the association, but they do it on part time basis,”
Osas disclosed.
TYPES OF FRIENDS TO AVOID
If
all your friend does is take from you, without giving anything back in
the friendship, there is no point in being friends anymore.
A good lover can complete you and make you feel alive.
And just like that, a good group of friends too, can motivate you and cheer you up.
But on the other hand, a few bad friends can drag you into the pits or ruin your life too.
Choose your friends carefully, and always make sure that the friends closest to you are the ones that can make life better for you, and not worse.
Types of friends to avoid
Here is a list of ten types of friends that you really need to avoid.
These toxic friends may seem like fun at times or even feel like
thrilling risk takers, but when the crap hits the fan, it’ll be you
under it.
The cheater
Many friendships have been crumpled and crushed, because a
best friend hit on a friend’s romantic partner.
To avoid making best friends with this type, avoid the sneaky
flirts, the sweet talkers and generally, people who try flattering you
and talking like you mean the world to them.
You’d be better off with someone who’s more true and down-to-
earth with their claims.
The competitor
Any kind of competition is healthy in every relationship but when
claws start to come out and things get extremely competitive
between friends, things can get very ugly.
The leech
A friend who constantly borrows your stuff or money or depends
too much on you is one that definitely needs to be avoided. No
one wants a one-sided relationship. If all your friend does is take
from you, without giving anything back in the friendship, there’s
no point in being friends anymore. If they’re looking for one, tell
them to take a one way trip out of your life.
The copycat
Imitation is considered to be the sincerest form of flattery, but a
friend who looks or behaves like your photocopy machine can be
very scary.
The shrink
All of us confide in our friends and ask for advice, but when your
BFF starts acting like a paid shrink who always picks flaws in your
life or relationships, it can get very annoying and depressing.
The selfish friend
This type of friend can go to any lengths for their benefit, but
behaves passively when you ask for help.
The wild child
Dangerous and unstable is how you define this type. You usually
get in trouble or always end up having to save your friend from
trouble.
The whiner
This type of friend is never satisfied with anything they have, and
they spend all their time whining and grumbling about how the
world is so unfair to them. Stay away!
The mood killer
This friend intentionally or unintentionally kills the mood as soon
as they enter into a conversation with you. They always seem to
find a flaw in anything you do or have, be it your clothes or your
love life.
They are like the lone dark cloud hovering over you on a sunny
day. Nothing positive ever comes out of their mouth.
They are never short of sarcastic comments or depressing
thoughts.
The swinger
This friend is partially bonkers because their mood swings change
from being nice to totally snappy in seconds without any
provocation. And this friend may just use you like a punching bag
to express their feelings, be it frustrations or happiness. Who
needs to be around someone whose moods swing like a
pendulum?
Life can be a bed of roses when you have the perfect friends to
share it with, but if you have to put up with these ten types of
friends, all you’d find is frustrations.
Spot the toxic friends in your life and stay away from them, for
your own good.
Courtesy: LovePanky
A good lover can complete you and make you feel alive.
And just like that, a good group of friends too, can motivate you and cheer you up.
But on the other hand, a few bad friends can drag you into the pits or ruin your life too.
Choose your friends carefully, and always make sure that the friends closest to you are the ones that can make life better for you, and not worse.
Types of friends to avoid
Here is a list of ten types of friends that you really need to avoid.
These toxic friends may seem like fun at times or even feel like
thrilling risk takers, but when the crap hits the fan, it’ll be you
under it.
The cheater
Many friendships have been crumpled and crushed, because a
best friend hit on a friend’s romantic partner.
To avoid making best friends with this type, avoid the sneaky
flirts, the sweet talkers and generally, people who try flattering you
and talking like you mean the world to them.
You’d be better off with someone who’s more true and down-to-
earth with their claims.
The competitor
Any kind of competition is healthy in every relationship but when
claws start to come out and things get extremely competitive
between friends, things can get very ugly.
The leech
A friend who constantly borrows your stuff or money or depends
too much on you is one that definitely needs to be avoided. No
one wants a one-sided relationship. If all your friend does is take
from you, without giving anything back in the friendship, there’s
no point in being friends anymore. If they’re looking for one, tell
them to take a one way trip out of your life.
The copycat
Imitation is considered to be the sincerest form of flattery, but a
friend who looks or behaves like your photocopy machine can be
very scary.
The shrink
All of us confide in our friends and ask for advice, but when your
BFF starts acting like a paid shrink who always picks flaws in your
life or relationships, it can get very annoying and depressing.
The selfish friend
This type of friend can go to any lengths for their benefit, but
behaves passively when you ask for help.
The wild child
Dangerous and unstable is how you define this type. You usually
get in trouble or always end up having to save your friend from
trouble.
The whiner
This type of friend is never satisfied with anything they have, and
they spend all their time whining and grumbling about how the
world is so unfair to them. Stay away!
The mood killer
This friend intentionally or unintentionally kills the mood as soon
as they enter into a conversation with you. They always seem to
find a flaw in anything you do or have, be it your clothes or your
love life.
They are like the lone dark cloud hovering over you on a sunny
day. Nothing positive ever comes out of their mouth.
They are never short of sarcastic comments or depressing
thoughts.
The swinger
This friend is partially bonkers because their mood swings change
from being nice to totally snappy in seconds without any
provocation. And this friend may just use you like a punching bag
to express their feelings, be it frustrations or happiness. Who
needs to be around someone whose moods swing like a
pendulum?
Life can be a bed of roses when you have the perfect friends to
share it with, but if you have to put up with these ten types of
friends, all you’d find is frustrations.
Spot the toxic friends in your life and stay away from them, for
your own good.
Courtesy: LovePanky
'Big Brother Africa Logo & Illuminati Seeing Eye Are Similar?
Well stories have been circulating for some time that the Big Brother Africa Logo is similar to the mysterious religio – economic entity Illuminati known for the all Seeing Eye as seen in the BBA logo.
Other similarities were pointed out in the diagram above.
What do you think?
Man Claims To Be Michael Jackson’s Gay-Lover
Scott
Thorson, Liberace’s former live-in boyfriend, shared private details of
his five-year romance with the flamboyant entertainer. Today, Thorson
drops a bombshell regarding Michael Jackson, claiming he and the King of
Pop shared an intimate, intimate relationship in the eighties.
“Michael and I had a relationship that… would cross the boundaries,” Thorson reveals in an exclusive sit down with ET’s Christina McLarty. “That’s about all I’m comfortable saying… We were both young.”
While he concedes that not many will believe that he and Michael were lovers, he says that the two became unlikely friends while he was dating Liberace. After a period of friendship, their relationship blossomed into more.
Thorson details his tumultuous relationship with the King of Pop and more in Behind the Candelabra: My Life with Liberace, a book he wrote in 1998 which is currently being adapted for the big screen featuring Matt Damon and Michael Douglas. He is presently penning a follow-up.
“Michael and I had a relationship that… would cross the boundaries,” Thorson reveals in an exclusive sit down with ET’s Christina McLarty. “That’s about all I’m comfortable saying… We were both young.”
While he concedes that not many will believe that he and Michael were lovers, he says that the two became unlikely friends while he was dating Liberace. After a period of friendship, their relationship blossomed into more.
Thorson details his tumultuous relationship with the King of Pop and more in Behind the Candelabra: My Life with Liberace, a book he wrote in 1998 which is currently being adapted for the big screen featuring Matt Damon and Michael Douglas. He is presently penning a follow-up.
Alleged Sexual Harassment of pregnant woman: Husband wants Prof’s appointment terminated
Dutse—The husband of the pregnant woman, Mrs, Bushira
Isyaku, who was allegedly sexually harassed by Professor
Festus David Kolo of Ahmadu Bello University, ABU, Zaria,
Malam Muhammad Isyaku, has asked the university to
terminate the appointment of the don.
A Chief Magistrate Court in Kiyawa Local Government Area
of Jigawa State sentenced Professor Kolo of the Faculty of
Education at Ahmadu Bello University, ABU, Zaria to two
months imprisonment last week for knowingly enticing a
married woman who was a student in his department
contrary to Section 389 of the penal code law.
Principal State Counsel, Mustapha Adamu, who read the
First Information Report, said that on May 21, one
Muhammad Ghali of Takur Quarters Dutse “reported you,
Prof. Festus David Kolo of ABU, knowing fully well that Mrs
Bushra Ghali Muhammed is his wife, and you have been
making advances towards her, inciting her, calling her
often, sending her love SMS messages using your phone…”
Adamu further said: “You, Prof. Kolo, was caught red
handed by the police at Dan Musa Guest House, Room
109 with Ghali’s wife after he reported the case to the
police and after several warnings and pleas by the
husband.’’
Malam Isyaku who spoke in an interview with Vanguard
yesterday said that the two-month imprisonment for the
66- year professor was too mild.
He argued that since the court had found him guilty of
committing the offence and sentenced him, he should
face dismissal from the university because of the integrity
of the institution.
Isyaku who is a lecturer with the Jigawa State Polytechnic,
stressed that dismissing Prof Kolo from the services of
ABU would serve as a deterrent to others who had formed
the habit of seeking to have a canal knowledge of their
females students.
’Though the two months sentence given to the convict by
the Kiyawa Chief Magistrate Court was less severe, but at
least it has sent a signal to lecturers who involve
themselves in such dirty behaviour that no body is above
the law,” he said.
He further said that he spoke with the Prof Kolo severally
on the telephone and even begged him to stop calling his
wife’s phone, but the he persisted and even visited his wife
in Dutse, Jigawa state where he was eventually
apprehended by security operatives
’’I asked professor Kolo if he knew that Bushira is a
married woman, he said yes, and I told him to please keep
off from her. He apologised but kept on calling my wife
who reported the matter to their class representative who
advised her to switch off her telephone,’’ he added.
He told Vanguard that his wife got admission in ABU Zaria
to do her Masters in Guidance and Counselling, adding
that his first encounter with his wife was when the convict
gave them attendance register to write their names and
telephone numbers for identification.
According to Isyaku, soon after his wife signed and went
for prayers, Prof Kolo started calling her repeatedly. ‘’She
saw five missed calls from Kolo when she came back from
prayers. Kolo persisted calling her number despite several
warnings.’’
The accused pleaded guilty to the charge. His lawyers M.A.
Gausu and R.A. Nwande told the court that the accused
wass above 60 years and the bread winner of his family
and therefore begged the court to temper justice with
mercy.
In his ruling, Senior Magistrate Muhammed Musa
Kaugama said that although the convict was a first
offender, “this court hereby sentences the convict to two
months imprisonment without option of fine,’’ to serve as
deterrent to others.
Isyaku, who was allegedly sexually harassed by Professor
Festus David Kolo of Ahmadu Bello University, ABU, Zaria,
Malam Muhammad Isyaku, has asked the university to
terminate the appointment of the don.
A Chief Magistrate Court in Kiyawa Local Government Area
of Jigawa State sentenced Professor Kolo of the Faculty of
Education at Ahmadu Bello University, ABU, Zaria to two
months imprisonment last week for knowingly enticing a
married woman who was a student in his department
contrary to Section 389 of the penal code law.
Principal State Counsel, Mustapha Adamu, who read the
First Information Report, said that on May 21, one
Muhammad Ghali of Takur Quarters Dutse “reported you,
Prof. Festus David Kolo of ABU, knowing fully well that Mrs
Bushra Ghali Muhammed is his wife, and you have been
making advances towards her, inciting her, calling her
often, sending her love SMS messages using your phone…”
Adamu further said: “You, Prof. Kolo, was caught red
handed by the police at Dan Musa Guest House, Room
109 with Ghali’s wife after he reported the case to the
police and after several warnings and pleas by the
husband.’’
Malam Isyaku who spoke in an interview with Vanguard
yesterday said that the two-month imprisonment for the
66- year professor was too mild.
He argued that since the court had found him guilty of
committing the offence and sentenced him, he should
face dismissal from the university because of the integrity
of the institution.
Isyaku who is a lecturer with the Jigawa State Polytechnic,
stressed that dismissing Prof Kolo from the services of
ABU would serve as a deterrent to others who had formed
the habit of seeking to have a canal knowledge of their
females students.
’Though the two months sentence given to the convict by
the Kiyawa Chief Magistrate Court was less severe, but at
least it has sent a signal to lecturers who involve
themselves in such dirty behaviour that no body is above
the law,” he said.
He further said that he spoke with the Prof Kolo severally
on the telephone and even begged him to stop calling his
wife’s phone, but the he persisted and even visited his wife
in Dutse, Jigawa state where he was eventually
apprehended by security operatives
’’I asked professor Kolo if he knew that Bushira is a
married woman, he said yes, and I told him to please keep
off from her. He apologised but kept on calling my wife
who reported the matter to their class representative who
advised her to switch off her telephone,’’ he added.
He told Vanguard that his wife got admission in ABU Zaria
to do her Masters in Guidance and Counselling, adding
that his first encounter with his wife was when the convict
gave them attendance register to write their names and
telephone numbers for identification.
According to Isyaku, soon after his wife signed and went
for prayers, Prof Kolo started calling her repeatedly. ‘’She
saw five missed calls from Kolo when she came back from
prayers. Kolo persisted calling her number despite several
warnings.’’
The accused pleaded guilty to the charge. His lawyers M.A.
Gausu and R.A. Nwande told the court that the accused
wass above 60 years and the bread winner of his family
and therefore begged the court to temper justice with
mercy.
In his ruling, Senior Magistrate Muhammed Musa
Kaugama said that although the convict was a first
offender, “this court hereby sentences the convict to two
months imprisonment without option of fine,’’ to serve as
deterrent to others.
‘World’s oldest living’ person dies in Japan
A Japanese man recognised as the world’s oldest living person,
and the oldest man recorded in history, has died aged 116, local
officials said.
Jiroemon Kimura died of natural causes on Wednesday in a hospital in Kyotango, Kyoto, a government statement said.
In December, Guinness World Records recorded Mr. Kimura as
the oldest man ever verified to have lived.
He reportedly had seven children, 14 grandchildren, 25 great-
grandchildren, and 13 great-great-grandchildren.
The BBC reports that Mr. Kimura was born on 19 April 1897, the
same year as aviator Amelia Earhart.
He worked in his local post office until retiring and was said to
have helped his son with his farming until he was around 90
years old.
He became the world’s oldest living person in December, when
the previous title-holder died.
In an interview in December, his nephew, Tamotsu Miyake, said
Kimura had “an amazingly strong will to live.”
“He is strongly confident that he lives right and well.”
and the oldest man recorded in history, has died aged 116, local
officials said.
Jiroemon Kimura died of natural causes on Wednesday in a hospital in Kyotango, Kyoto, a government statement said.
In December, Guinness World Records recorded Mr. Kimura as
the oldest man ever verified to have lived.
He reportedly had seven children, 14 grandchildren, 25 great-
grandchildren, and 13 great-great-grandchildren.
The BBC reports that Mr. Kimura was born on 19 April 1897, the
same year as aviator Amelia Earhart.
He worked in his local post office until retiring and was said to
have helped his son with his farming until he was around 90
years old.
He became the world’s oldest living person in December, when
the previous title-holder died.
In an interview in December, his nephew, Tamotsu Miyake, said
Kimura had “an amazingly strong will to live.”
“He is strongly confident that he lives right and well.”
Sunday, 9 June 2013
TYPES OF GIRLS !
COROLLA: Prostitute type. These help in time of
needs, more like a taxi.
BMW: Expensive but not wife material. Usually
called "Pocket Virus".
NISSAN: Driving school. Every Jim and Jack
learns thru these.
RANGE ROVER: Loved by most, affordable to
few. You'll never regret loving, trusting or
spending on her coz she's worth it.
TOYOYA; Affordable and trustworthy. Come in
different shapes and sizes and they are a wife
material.
MERCEDEZ BENZ: Sensitive! You do something
stupid, she is gone and it will take lifetime to get
her back.
JEEP: Whatever you go through, she will never
let you down. Her qualities are not noticed until
you hit a rough patch.
FIAT: Old fashioned in many ways but will never
disappoint you. Loved by few.
WHICH TYPE ARE YOU?
AND GUYS WHICH
TYPE YOU ARE DATING Or YOU WANNA DATE??
needs, more like a taxi.
BMW: Expensive but not wife material. Usually
called "Pocket Virus".
NISSAN: Driving school. Every Jim and Jack
learns thru these.
RANGE ROVER: Loved by most, affordable to
few. You'll never regret loving, trusting or
spending on her coz she's worth it.
TOYOYA; Affordable and trustworthy. Come in
different shapes and sizes and they are a wife
material.
MERCEDEZ BENZ: Sensitive! You do something
stupid, she is gone and it will take lifetime to get
her back.
JEEP: Whatever you go through, she will never
let you down. Her qualities are not noticed until
you hit a rough patch.
FIAT: Old fashioned in many ways but will never
disappoint you. Loved by few.
WHICH TYPE ARE YOU?
AND GUYS WHICH
TYPE YOU ARE DATING Or YOU WANNA DATE??
10 WAY TO AVOID MARRYING THE WRONG PERSON
) Do Not Marry Potential:
Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the
worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.
2)Choose Character over Chemistry:
While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows,
“Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love”
should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:
Humility: The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.
Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do
for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they
spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger
and their reaction to someone else’s anger?
Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances,
relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person
and trust what they say.
Happiness: A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain.
3) Do Not Neglect The Emotional Needs of Your Partner:
Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs:
Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Reassurance, & Relief. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife
she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his intimate desires.
Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.
4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:
In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.
You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about? Then ask
yourself,
“Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.
5) Avoid Pre-Marital intimate/Physical Activity:
Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great
harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them. Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or intimate commitment.
6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:
There are four questions that you must answer YES to:
Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person? Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment?
Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be
vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself?
Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating
until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you
don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you
don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!
7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety:
Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself
and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things:
Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the
way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab
and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be
consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive
personalities.
Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behavior usually
come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.
8.) Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the
table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you,
and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you
communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable
around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it?
Are they defensive?
Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they
blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? Don’t
just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!
9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility:
It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your
happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else
will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for
getting married. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a
single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are
married. If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like
yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s
important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving
those areas of your life before considering marriage. Don’t bring
these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.
10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner:
Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or
available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance
the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would
be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that
relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.
Also important to consider are the following:
Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside. These include
people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be
emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their
deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts. They are in a
perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are
critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and
often distrust people or are afraid of them. Another clear indication
about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they
have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people
should take care of them and they don’t. They feel burdened by
other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them. These
people can not be emotionally available to build healthy
relationships.
Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to
build a strong emotional relationship. Never marry an addict.
Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol. They can be about
addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports,
shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc. When someone
has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available
to develop an intimate relationship with you!
Additional Points to Consider:
The fact is no one looks 25 forever. Ultimately, we love the person
we marry for more than their appearance. When we get to know
someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty
and overall essence.
Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so
badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is
clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of
others, is rude to you, etc. We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of
this mean about their character?”
Never separate someone from their family, background, education,
belief system, etc. Asking clear questions can clarify this. Ask
questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What
are your expectations of marriage?” “How would you help around
the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.
Be flexible. Be open-minded!
Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom.
It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as
happy because of your connection with them.
Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone
in addition to beauty, money, and health. The morally upright and
spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and
hardship. If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take
themselves into account with God then why should you expect them
to fulfill their rights owed to you? The ideal partner is someone who
considers giving a gain and not causing a loss. Having a mutual and
shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage.
Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of
family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-
discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the
relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well.
Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and
emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and
thriving marriage.
Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the
worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.
2)Choose Character over Chemistry:
While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows,
“Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love”
should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:
Humility: The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.
Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do
for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they
spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger
and their reaction to someone else’s anger?
Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances,
relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person
and trust what they say.
Happiness: A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain.
3) Do Not Neglect The Emotional Needs of Your Partner:
Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs:
Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Reassurance, & Relief. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife
she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his intimate desires.
Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.
4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:
In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.
You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about? Then ask
yourself,
“Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.
5) Avoid Pre-Marital intimate/Physical Activity:
Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great
harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them. Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or intimate commitment.
6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:
There are four questions that you must answer YES to:
Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person? Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment?
Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be
vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself?
Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating
until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you
don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you
don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!
7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety:
Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself
and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things:
Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the
way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab
and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be
consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive
personalities.
Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behavior usually
come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.
8.) Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the
table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you,
and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you
communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable
around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it?
Are they defensive?
Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they
blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? Don’t
just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!
9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility:
It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your
happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else
will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for
getting married. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a
single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are
married. If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like
yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s
important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving
those areas of your life before considering marriage. Don’t bring
these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.
10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner:
Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or
available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance
the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would
be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that
relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.
Also important to consider are the following:
Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside. These include
people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be
emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their
deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts. They are in a
perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are
critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and
often distrust people or are afraid of them. Another clear indication
about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they
have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people
should take care of them and they don’t. They feel burdened by
other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them. These
people can not be emotionally available to build healthy
relationships.
Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to
build a strong emotional relationship. Never marry an addict.
Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol. They can be about
addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports,
shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc. When someone
has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available
to develop an intimate relationship with you!
Additional Points to Consider:
The fact is no one looks 25 forever. Ultimately, we love the person
we marry for more than their appearance. When we get to know
someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty
and overall essence.
Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so
badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is
clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of
others, is rude to you, etc. We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of
this mean about their character?”
Never separate someone from their family, background, education,
belief system, etc. Asking clear questions can clarify this. Ask
questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What
are your expectations of marriage?” “How would you help around
the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.
Be flexible. Be open-minded!
Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom.
It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as
happy because of your connection with them.
Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone
in addition to beauty, money, and health. The morally upright and
spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and
hardship. If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take
themselves into account with God then why should you expect them
to fulfill their rights owed to you? The ideal partner is someone who
considers giving a gain and not causing a loss. Having a mutual and
shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage.
Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of
family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-
discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the
relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well.
Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and
emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and
thriving marriage.
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